Cheesecake

I had a piece of cheesecake at 9:00am this morning.  Despite having no sugar in my diet I can still manage this feat.  I made a sugar and wheat-free gingerbread cheesecake for a party yesterday and it was delicious I just couldn't help myself.  I wish sweets didn't have this hold on me.  It is still needing to be weeded out of my life. 

I wish I found more satisfaction in chewing on a pepper than tasting a morsel of cheesecake...but I don't, at least not yet, maybe that will never happen. 

For now, I guess I just need to give myself grace.  I know the 9:00am cheesecake raid is not acceptable and I don't feel that great now that's it's been sitting in my tummy.  I know I would have felt better chewing on those peppers.  I know it's a choice, sometimes I just let my flesh decide without thinking of the consequences.

Why does eating have to be so difficult?  Our pastor spoke about Jesus being tempted in the desert yesterday.  He had to choose to say no to things before he could say yes.  I know that this is the case with me.  I want to be changed, moved by and throug him but I know I need to say NO to things before I can say yes...including the cheesecake. 

My mind is having a hard time focusing today.  I'm thinking of Jhonny and Jerry, wondering what will become of them, knowing that I don't want to quit what I've started but also realizing that I don't have enough information to continue. 

It was hard to focus on my devotional today, to pray....I need focus today Jesus.  Please help me.  I know that part of following you is being able to follow through on my daily tasks of caring for my husband, my kids, my house. 

Please left me out of this slump.  I want to live fully, abundantly, not always just getting by.  I want to be the woman you created me to be.