The Lord is Gracious and Compassionate

 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.  Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant. 

Psalm 86:15-16

I was thinking of how gracious my God is today.  I was thinking back to the time where I needed to get some counseling.  I remember thinking that I had done so much work on myself and then Mike and I met with another set of counselors at a retreat we went to.  I realized I had been looking through life with a lense that said 'I am not worthy.'  I had so much work to do!  I was so disappointed.  I left the room and had a big cry.  I felt like a failure; like I was never gonna get it together.  But then I realized that God only is revealing my true self to me because he doesn’t want me walking around hurt.  He wants me to be whole.  He wants me to view my world correctly not skewed by past experiences and disappointment.  He wants me to see me as he sees me.  He is a gentle and gracious God.

I was reminded, too, of another story of compassion.  When I was pregnant with the twins I was really feeling stirred to do a production on Motherhood.  I had written monologues, picked out music, had a few dances choreographed and lots of ideas stirring.  I even had the date picked out.  I just needed some backing and some dancers and I’d be well on my way.  I just couldn’t get that.  Every door I knocked on just stayed closed.   I felt again disheartened, like I thought I had heard God but I guess I didn’t, like a failure.  I guess it just wasn’t the right time.

Little did I know (what my compassionate God knew) that Mike would go in for day surgery and come out with knowledge that he had cancer one day before my ‘scheduled’ performance dates.  Had I actually followed through with that production there would be no way I could have done it with the news that we had just been given.  My God is a compassionate God. 

Sometimes we don't understand why things go on around us but I am so thankful that God knows exactly what is going on. 
God is so good, so kind, so compassionate and gracious.  I am so blessed to serve a faithful and loving God who will always be more faithful and loving to me than I could ever be to Him.  I love you Lord.