Idols of the heart

Our ladies group this past week shared about idols of the heart.  We talked about the idols of this culture and about the personal idols that we have that we put before God.  This is not always a comfortable conversation, especially when we have to face the ugliness of our own hearts.  As we talked and shared and prayed it reminded me of last fall.

After losing our jobs, Mike and I went to a pastor's retreat together.  It was a fabulous week of rest and quiet and healing.  We were able to slow down enough to hear God speak and to make a plan for the future.  I had already been through some counselling prior to that week and had just been back from Haiti where God had done such amazing things in my heart.  So I was feeling pretty good.

We both had done this super LONG personality test before arriving and were going to be given the results of it.  I was ready to go first thinking that I was doing well in the changes I'd made and so didn't think I'd find too much to be surprised about.  Little did I know that I was going to be exposed again to my flaws.  I knew I was hard on myself, but didn't realize how hard until it was revealed to me through my counsellors.  We finished our session and I went upstairs and bawled my eyes out.  Not again!!!  I thought I was getting myself together here and I have so far to go still.

I now realize that I will always have far to go until I meet Jesus face to face.... Anyhow, I decided to go out into the sunshine and spend some time with Jesus.  There he revealed to me his grace and his love for me.  You see in his mercy, he revealed to me the lies that I had been believing about myself.  It wasn't so that he could poke at me and show me how terrible I was.  It was because he came to give me life, and life abundant.  He revealed the lies so I didn't have to keep believing them, so I didn't have to keep living in a box.  He showed me so that I could walk into freedom.

So as I see again some yucky parts of myself coming out, I again look to Jesus who is so faithful to continue the work that he began in me.  He has revealed my heart so that I don't have to continue to live in a way that compromises myself or Him.  What a good God I have.

So as an encouragement to you, if Jesus reveals something that needs work in your life remember that it is only because he loves you.  He wants to see you live a life that is whole and full and completely for Him.  Be encouraged.

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of rightesouness will rise with healing in its wings.  And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."  Malachi 4:2

My name is Jocelyn and I am addicted to computer games

My name is Jocelyn and I am addicted to computer games.  As a child I was given a gameboy one Christmas.  Tetris soon became my favourite thing to do.  I spent hours on that thing.  I can remember as a teenager when the internet was just becoming popular and accessible, I found Boggle.  I began to spend any spare moment I had playing it - I love word games.  Little did I know that the little seed I planted back then would continue to grow in me.  When we were first married I didn't have much work so I turned to that lovely computer again for entertainment and purpose.

I go through long periodst in my life where I play no games at all and then when I do, I make up for it in a hurry.  The thing is, when I am playing games it distracts me from real life.  I find myself ignoring things and people that I normally would engage with.  My prayer life suffers and my overall attitude for life changes.

This little seed grows into one big messy garden of death.  It is an idol in my life.  I know we all have them; some of us have more than others.  Some are longtime 'friends' and are hard to let go of and others sneak in the back door and creep up on us when we least expect it.

I love my current game selections and it took some convincing for me to do what I did today.  You know, you reason, 'It's just a game.  It's relaxing.  I don't have to play that much.'  The enemy loves to help me downplay my actions.  But the reality is it is an IDOL.  I know my bible, don't you?  The Lord is a Jealous God and he wants no other idols before him.  That includes this game.  Now, for some people computer games may be an innocent outlet and not what it is to me.  It may not have the hold on their lives as it does with me.  But if we are honest with ourselves we will see the things that have dug a groove into our hearts.

I don't want this idol in my heart anymore and so I blocked all my game applications on my computer.  Even if I want to play, I won't be able to play.  It feels good; it feels freeing.  Jesus is so much more important that any game I could ever play and I need him to know that and I need me to show it.

Now, I know that I will stumble, maybe even fall, but for today, for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.